Monday, July 1, 2013

If you're a praying person...

We could use you today.  5 years ago, I had a huge decision to make.  I made the wrong one, and have been paying for it ever since.  I now have another decision to make and I'm afraid I'm going to screw up again.  I need major prayers and guidance.  I feel lost and hopeless.  If you pray, could you pray for us?

Thank you.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Just some stuff

I wish I was more consistent here.  I feel like I can't say everything I want to for fear of penalty.  But seriously, things are crap lately.  I feel like we can't catch a break no matter what we do.  I've been trying to avoid social media because frankly every time I hear someone getting something we've prayed so hard for and worked so hard for the past 7 years and we still haven't gotten, it brings tears to my eyes.  I'm so happy for the people who are receiving good things.  I feel like a failure.

I've heard and been living all of the "God won't give you more than you can handle", "sometimes prayers are answered in ways other than you think", etc.  I'm struggling with that.  If one more bad thing happens, I must don't think I can take it.  I've been keeping this in but have seen a few others let it out lately and it's time.  I know life isn't fair.  I just need it to be fair for us once in awhile.

I can't say everything due to certain pars of my life, but I can say I've had enough and I'm at my breaking point.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Saying Goodbye to 2012

I completed at 2011 wrap up last year, and feel the need to do the same this year.  It's fun to look back, see where we've been, maybe where we're going.

So without further ado...

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I ventured into potty training my son.  Oh My Goodness.  He is THISCLOSE.  A few weeks ago, it was rough...and really the journey that began last summer.  I am looking forward to only one child in diapers and a nice long rest from potty training.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to keep stress away and spend more time with family.  I definitely spent more time with family, but stress still plagues me.  Ugh.  I really don't have an answer for that one.

This year:
*Get healthy and stay healthy.
*Time with family (always needed!)
*Something personal

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, we welcomed a beautiful new niece to our family in February!  Plus several friends!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
Zipola.  We should really change that!

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn’t have in 2012?
More free time.  It feels sometimes like every single weekend is planned and that we have no decompress time.

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
 April 2 - Dex's 3rd (!) birthday, December 30 -  Annie's 1st (!) birthday

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Coming to terms with my decision to have my tubes tied.  Especially as Annie's first birthday came.  I started to doubt myself, missing a cuddly baby, and then sat and thought about all of our reasons.  It was the right choice.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Baby weight.  Still.  Too much stress.  Too little time.  Too many excuses.  ;)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I spent a great amount of the year sick, mostly upper respiratory.  Hoping to avoid that, but other than that, I was fine!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
We bought the kids a huge swing set.  Best thing we ever did.  It was our "vacation money" and very well spent!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My family.  Especially little Dexter.  He has welcomed his sister so well and loves her dearly!  Our family has been our support system again, as always!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I was amazed at how friends turned on each other this year with the election.  I ignored most people and kept my opinions to myself.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, bills, the usual!

15. What did you get really excited about?
I was really pleased that I was able to take 4 months off for maternity leave due to good planning.  Due to that, summer, holidays, I spent at least half of the year home with my children.  This is something I will never get to do again!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Ready or Not Bridgit Mendler...just loving it!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
A tiny bit thinner many ways that aren't always related to money!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Make time for me.  I never do that.  and ignore people who make me feel bad.  I have to stop letting them get to me!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.  Stressing.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With our families!  This is a tradition that shall never stop!

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Always with my family!

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I always say every baby I've "found" a new tv show.  This year I found Mad Men during late night feedings (omg how have I missed this show??  LOOOOOVE IT!) and then the Parenthood.  Many tears shed!  As always, must include Gilmore Girls!

23. What was the best book you read?
Still in the process of DEVOURING, but Young House Love!  My favorite bloggers have written an awesome book!

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I've been rediscovering new pop artists.  Pop has always been my favorite music genre and now that Dex is really getting into music, and party girl Annie loves to dance, we listen to the radio more!

25. What did you want and get?
Some new hobbies, things to try and get my mind of stuff I worry about.

26. What did you want and not get?
I hate to reiterate this, but to stay home with my kids.  And to move.  But we won't talk about that.  It's pretty personal at the moment.

27. What was your favorite film of 2012?
Go to the movies?  ha!  We never do that!  But we are finally getting around to watching the last Harry Potter movies and loving them!

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
33.  An adult evening out and about!

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To be more secure and for an end to the never ending "health issue"...and that's pretty much all I'm going to say.  Personal stuff.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012?
Work wear at work, comfy wear at home.  Ugh.  I've started reworking my make up routine and I've started the process of going back to a medium blonde.  More time for mama.  She needs it!

31. What kept you sane?
Same as last year.  my husband and my mother.  They get me.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Healthcare.  Things keep going up and up.  And we both work.  hard.  It hardly seems right sometimes.

33. Who did you miss?
I miss my grandmother still.  Always.  She was a person that other people could emulate.  An amazing woman.  I also miss a friend who is having a really rough time and can't "be" a friend right now, and doesn't want help from others.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
No matter how hard you work, how good of a person you try to be, sometimes you end up with the short end of the stick.  Sometimes there are people who don't work hard, and who aren't so nice, and get their way.  It stinks.  It's not fair.  You have to deal with it.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
It's long but the whole song rocks.

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
~Mumford & Sons

36. Bonus Question: What else will always remind you of 2012?
Tears...tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of anger, tears of stress.  There were many tears shed this year for many reasons. 

Read about 2011 here

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Smash it in!

We won't even get into how bad I suck at blogging.  In my defense, it's because I spend all of my free time with the kids.

Things we're planning right now:

A Birthday party (Annie's FIRST.  omg.)

Yeah that pretty much takes up my whole life when I'm not at work or playing with kids.  Sleep has become optional.  I'll wait while you decide if I'm kidding or not. (Hint:  I'm not.)

I will say though, that part of the anti-sleep thing can't be helped.  Since my last pregnancy, I just can't sleep at night.  I mean, I sleep, but I don't really.  I wake up a zillion times.  I'm up for long periods of time in between.  Most people would be looking for sleep aides, but that's not really my deal.  I'm up daily at 4:45 or 5:00 am anyway, so whatever.  I do feel ever so slightly jealous of my friends who get upset/annoyed that when they have to wake up at 7:00, but eh, whatever.  It's all relative! that I spend half of the night awake, my mind is always thinking.  I've developed an interest in crafting (or you know a renewed interest since I used to love to craft and diy pre-babies!).  After seeing some cutie tutorials on homemade smash style books.  I could easily buy a smash book, and may yet do so, but I wanted something a little more raw just for the purpose of keeping some ideas in one place that I can take along, not just on Pinterest (which I totally heart).

What I've come up with a covered composition book, that's not quite done yet.  I have one of those marbled type composition books that they sell for like, 50 cents.  I have tons of pretty papers (I half scrap as I call it, the kids photos).  I chose a pattern that was adorbs and covered the book.  I used cardstock for the inside cover so that the ugly inner writing is covered, but I still need to use the cardstock to cover the spine.  Baby steps, right?

The next part is all mine.  I want this book to be a catchall for stuff.  I don't know, but it will be fun.  I quickly (and I apologize for the crap quality, but dude, sometimes 2 seconds is all you have!) took a few photos to show exactly what I'm talking about..enjoy!

And pray my body lets me sleep soon.  Or I may just really start crafting at night.  I might need a craft table.  And to change my name to Paris.

Name the show.

What the front cover will (kinda) look like once I put the binding on (remember under that pretty paper is a black and white marbled cover.  ew)

Front cover without "binding"

Inside front cover

Inside back cover

Back cover minus "binding"

As soon as I get some faves "smashed" I'll post a few photos.  Loving me some cute washi tape!

Oh and just because it's been like 6 months since I posted a picture of my cuties.....

One of our Christmas card photos...

I had to crop daddy's arm out of this one, but another Christmas card photo.  I know I'm biased but these are some cute kids!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Postpartum Depression Answers....

I had horrible postpartum depression with Dexter.  It never affected him, but it was hard dealing with work and stress.  Literally it was a year long struggle.  I thought I'd never feel like myself again.

After I had Annie, I started getting some questions quietly...

I'm ecstatic to report, I have had no postpartum depression this time around.  I did experience the typical baby blues for a few weeks, but they quickly disappeared.  I do appreciate all the kind thoughts and concern.  Not everyone realized how bad the ppd was the first time around, but it's good to know that the support system was there this time!

Any moms out there, please feel free to send me a message if you have any questions about my experience.  I'm happy to talk privately.  If you feel not right, overly emotional, and any feelings of harm to yourself or others, please seek help from your doctor.

Monday, May 28, 2012

And then Life Happened!

I cannot believe it is May and I've been neglecting the blog since March.  We've had some monumental things happen in our household.  The one that's made blogging impossible?  I went back to work.  It is hard to be a mom, a wife, and work.  So, the blog suffers.  I think that's an okay trade.  My time spent online is almost none.  Facebook?  Twitter?  Pinterest?  What are those?

Seriously though, we have monumentally passed Annie's 4th moth and are creeping up on her 5th next week.  Dexter is amazing.  In every way.  He has become the best big brother that any girl ever had.  His first day at the sitter's house, a little 18 month old boy she also watches came to look at Annie and he told him in no uncertain terms to "Go Away."  I love him!  Speaking of milestones and Dexter, my baby turned 3 in April.  Oh my.  What is happening?  My babies are getting so big.

The best way to handle my non posting is to overload you with pictures.  Choosing the best ones is going to be hard.  Bear with me and love on my babies!

St. Patrick's Day....They came with me and Grandma to a Pampered Chef Bingo and were perfect angels!

Annie was baptized...those are her godparents she is with!

Annie had been rolling belly to back for a long time..literally.  From 6 days old.  And turned 3 months.  She's so strong!

Dexter turned 3.  We had a little home celebration on the day.  Easter kinda happened.  Quickly!  We went to the zoo for his birthday, and had a little bash in our house!  And yes, there is an elusive me in a picture.  Don't judge.  Baby weight!

We played outside....

Annie turned 4 months old!  and started rolling back to belly.  Crazy!

Did I mention we played outside?  A lot?

And happened!  If you look closely, you will also see Annie has 2 teeth!  Please forgive the lack of updating...we've been enjoying our babies...maybe when summer arrives, I'll be better!  But if not, yeah, this is where I'll be!