Sunday, July 19, 2009

Postpartum Depression

No new mother wants to admit to the world that she's suffering from postpartum depression. It makes you feel weak, like a failure. You can't explain it to anyone either. If you haven't experienced it (and I don't wish it on anyone) you just cannot understand PPD. One second things are going well, the next you might be so angry you want to throw something, so sad you can't stop the hysterical sobbing, so anxious you're having a panic attack. Sometimes, you can experience all of these feelings in the matter of a short amount of time.

PPD is nothing to mess around with either. I tried to deny that I was experiencing postpartum for a time. I didn't want to admit it, because I felt like a big loser. I already wasn't able to nurse my baby because my milk never came in. I had a huge amount of guilt over that situation. I cried about it for weeks. Anytime anyone brought up the subject or asked why I was formula feeding, I had an emotional breakdown. So, originally, I chalked my sadness up to that and "baby blues." Little by little, I began noticing the supposed "baby blues" hanging on and getting worse. I won't go into the day/incident that really made me realize what was going on, mainly because no one could understand it, but I finally had to admit to myself and my husband that I needed help.

I guess what today's ramble means is that it's not your fault if you're suffering from PPD. The only thing you can do is ask for help. Ask your family, your friends, and most importantly your doctor. I can't say I am feeling like myself yet. Just don't allow anything to take over your life, it's simply not worth it.

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